Here's A Picture Of Me Bum - Competition Result
No, you can't enter it now, it's closed. But before I announce the winner, it's probably worth taking a little bit of time to chronicle the rather sad history of these CD competitions.
1999. CD: Dance A Dickless Jig. Number of entrants: 1. Winner: Simon Aldous of London.
2000. CD: Cheap Sex And Sad Films. Number of entrants: 1. Winner: Uncle Tony of London.
2001. CD: In Relation To Me Getting Out Of Bed. Number of entrants: 3. Winner: Uncle Tony of London. Again.
And so to 2002, and the competition to win a copy of Here's A Picture Of Me Bum. This year's competition was in the form of an internet treasure hunt, inviting participants to track down the website where the CD cover picture came from, and to identify the associated single that was a UK number 1 in 2002.
At the end of the six week entry period, I'd received precisely zero replies. Obviously, this was proving too tricky for you all, so I extended the competition by a month and threw in a couple of broad hints. Well, when I say broad hints, I mean a link to the web page that the picture came from, and another link to a news story about the single in question, so what I actually mean is that I threw in the fucking answer to anyone who was prepared to click their mouse a couple of times.
Three people entered. Two of them got it right. First of all, commiserations to Dave Allen, newly-emigrated to New Zealand, who got the right answer but sent it in on March 12th - a full nine days after our official winner. Who is... Simon Aldous of London. Again. He correctly worked out through skill, judgement and basic reading ability that the picture came from a website called The Graceland Cafe, web address http://www.elvis-presley.org.uk: and subsequently deduced that Elvis' June 2002 hit A Little Less Conversation was the answer I was looking for. Simon says that "half an hour spent going through pictures of bums on Google proved fruitless, if a little embarrassing since I was at work": but at least he managed it in the end, so hooray for him. Both Simon and Uncle Tony have now won two CD competitions apiece, so next year's may well be decided by some sort of pay-per-view cage fight between the two guys. We'll see.
And in case you were wondering, the third entry came from the Suzanne Vega Fanclub, who ignored all the hints completely, submitted a picture of an entirely different arse, and then added insult to injury by saying "all the songs on your compilation are naff, can I just have the blank CD instead". A blank CD's going to be tricky, Suze, so instead you win our consolation prize of a CD consisting of a single 440 Hz test tone playing continuously for 79 minutes. Enjoy!
April 1st 2003